One Night at The Hanged Man
by meathead
Summary: The companions gather at The Hanged Man to help Varric write his new book, using Anders and Fenris's not-so-secret relationship as fodder. Aveline is not amused. Short and sweet Fenders fic.


"So, how do you think it all went down, Rivaini?"

Isabela leaned back in her seat, a sultry smile taking over her face as her index finger circled her mug of ale. "It was rough, angry. You know it had to be. Lots of biting, clawing hands, panting. Clothes were ripped, I'm sure.

Hawke chuckled. "Is that all the details you can think of?"

"Leave the details up to me, Hawke," Varric put down his quill and took a drink. "Rivaini is playing the part of my muse tonight. What else?"

"Hair pulling." Isabela continued. "Oh, and lots of moaning. Please include the moaning, Varric."

"I'm sure there was a lot of cursing and name calling as well," Hawke slammed back his whiskey, then deepened his voice. "Flithy mage! I will fuck that magic right out of you!"

Isabela raised her mug. "I like that! Good job, Hawke! Varric?"

"Already got it written down. Well, good evening, Guard Captain! Glad you could make it!"

Aveline bowed her head. "Hello everyone. Guess who I found in the Viscount's garden again?" She then pulled Merrill out from behind her, and the small elf waved.

"Daisy," Varric shook his head. "Didn't I warn you about that?"

"I was being careful, I swear!" Merrill protested. "I only picked a few flowers this time. I didn't think anyone would notice."

Isabela laughed, then flashed a smile as she patted the empty stone chair next to her. "It's alright, Kitten. The Viscount has enough flowers. I'm sure he won't miss them."

"How often do you think they do it?" Hawke wondered out loud, filling his cup back up. Aveline took the spot next to him, waving her hand as he motioned the ale at her.

"I'm sure they find the time, when they're not running around with you." Isabela replied. "I bet they go at it like rabbits."

" 'Go at it like rabbits'…perfect!" Varric repeated as his quill whipped across his book.

"Oh, I love rabbits!" Merrill exclaimed. "Their little noses are precious!"

"Dare I ask what you lot are talking about?" Aveline inquired with a tired sigh.

"The sex life of two certain individuals who are not here at the moment." Hawke answered, grabbing at the deck of cards in front of Varric. Merrill looked around the table and began to point and count under her breath before Isabela stopped her.

"We're talking about Anders and Fenris, Kitten."

"What? Really?" Merrill placed her hand over her mouth to stop her giggles, her face turning a deep shade of pink. "Oh, my goodness! Are they really going at it like rabbits?"

"Sweet Andraste, this again." Aveline buried her face in her hand. "Leave it up to you three to make up such nonsense. Those two would rather kill each other, not go rutting in a dark alley in Lowtown."

Isabela leaned forward, her chin coming to rest on her folded hands. "That's probably why they're late. They do have a lot of buckles to unhook."

"I'm sure they use the alleys in Hightown as well." Merrill chimed in. "They're not as dirty."

"Merrill!" Aveline gasped in disgust, her glare falling on Hawke and Varric as they roared with laughter. She then turned her angry stare at Isabela. "I have had enough of your dirty fantasies! There will be no more talk of this! And I'll have you know that Donnic is playing cards with Fenris at the moment."

"Evening everyone!"

Aveline jumped to her feet, ignoring the snort Isabela made. "Donnic! What in the Maker's name are you doing here?"

"Well, nice to see you too, my love." Donnic frowned, taking the empty chair next to Aveline's. "Glad to know I missed so much."

Aveline sighed, reclaiming her chair. "I'm sorry. I am glad you are here, but I thought you were spending your night off playing cards with Fenris?"

Donnic nodded at the mug of ale that Hawke offered him, taking a long drink before responding. "We did for a bit, then he excused himself. Said he had business to take care of in Darktown."

" 'Business to take care of in Darktown,' " Varric said out loud over Isabela and Hawke's snickering.

"Do NOT write that down, Varric!" Aveline growled.

"Oh I'm sure he's keeping Anders plenty busy if they are going at it like rabbits." Merrill interjected.

"Merrill!"

Donnic raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I can't take this!" Isabela howled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "This is just too much for me to handle!"

"That's what Anders said!" Hawke reciprocated, pounding his fist on the table as everyone roared with laughter. Aveline crossed her arms, her head shaking in disapproval.

"There is a special place for all of you, and I'll try to remember you fondly as you lot burn in the fires."

"Well, it seems everyone is in good spirits tonight."

"It's probably all of the cheap ale they have been consuming."

Hawke took in a deep breath and threw his arms in the air. "Anders! Fenris! You're here! Come sit down! Have a drink with us!"

Fenris moved first, taking the empty seat at the end of the table, leaving Anders the spot next to Merrill. Donnic put down his cup and nodded at Fenris.

"You finished your business in Darktown, Fenris? Hope everything went well for you."

Anders suddenly cleared his throat, then eyed Hawke and Isabela suspiciously as they let out snorts and giggles behind their hands. Fenris also took notice, then caught the fiery stare that Aveline shot at them.

"Yes," Fenris slowly replied, still watching as Hawke crossed his arms on the table and buried his red face. "Everything is…fine."

Isabela caught her breath for a moment. "Just fine? Next time, don't be in such a rush, darling. You should take your time with each other. We would have waited."

Fenris wrinkled his nose. "What in blazes are you talking about?"

"Foreplay is a wonderful thing!" Isabela raised her mug to Fenris and winked, but was unable to stop her giggling. "Makes the sex that much better!"

Anders's eyes grew wide and he quickly hid his smile under his hand, but was soon joining in with Isabela's intoxicating laughter. He caught Fenris's questioning gaze and shrugged. "She has a point."

Merrill nodded in agreement. "You can't always go at it like rabbits, Fenris,"

Aveline rubbed at the bridge of her nose and sunk down farther in her seat. "Oh, Maker, I give up!"

Varric set down his quill and took a long and satisfying drink from his mug. "This is going to be the best book I have ever written."


End file.
